Pretty sweet!

My 2 oldest kiddos didn't have school yesterday due to President's Day. We ended up going out for breakfast, puttering around downtown & then just spent time doing normal life stuff around the house. In the afternoon I was cleaning out my closet. Take a guess where my two teenage children were (after they finished watching "Space Balls" & leaving a trail of popcorn all over our floor). They could both be found in my room, hanging out. With a whole house to spread out, I just thought it was pretty sweet that they both came to my room. One was studying & giving opinions on what I should get rid of, the other played guitar. Nothing major, but to me it was the sweetest thing that they wanted to be near me.

Becoming

I recently snapped these photos on a Sunday afternoon when I looked out my kitchen window and saw just how sweet and beautiful Tigrai looked. It did my heart good just to peek through the window and watch her reading her book and swinging. For all of the struggle we have endured, this was a hopeful moment. There was a sense of contentedness and peace about her that, I suppose, I have longed to see. In that moment I saw something very Ethiopian about her, yet something very American as well. I saw the child we had waited for and the young lady she is becoming. I am very proud to be her Mama and am so glad we will get to watch her grow up.

Another big race!

These Saturday morning races are killing me. . . but I wouldn't miss them for the world - or even for a few more hours of sleep. This past weekend half of our crew ran in an annual 5-K which benefits orphans in Ethiopia. We love this particular race, because it is one our family has helped with over the years and it benefits the region our daughter came from in Ethiopia.

Cam Man took first in his age division - way to go!!

I love these father-daughter shots-- it's been a sweet thing to watch My Lou train like she means it. Once she sets her mind on something, she will go for it with all of her heart. Logging miles with Dad (literally) has been great for her and it paid off on race day when she met her time goal and took her age division. Way to go, Lou! and way to go, Dad, for being such a great personal trainer!

I also loved this photo I snapped of T. with our friend who runs the adoption agency we used to bring her home from Ethiopia. We are grateful for her work on behalf of these children.

Family Photoshoot

Believe it or not, in 18 years of marriage and family life, we had never had a family portrait taken. A friend from church who loves to capture life through her lens graciously offered to spend an evening with us, catching us in action. I told her I must really trust her, since I felt like she could sort of "see into our souls" with that lens. She was great to work with and we really had a great time together. I had to laugh when our Lou commented - "Wow!  It looks like we are a really big family!"  Yep - feelin' it's true in every way.

My man has practiced this pose all of the years I've known him.  I love it that I know have it in photo form for keeps.  (And, yes, I am sporting a real bicep thanks to Body Pump).

Are we crazy?  Most definitely!

One step forward, two steps back - but we are on the journey!

We recently returned home from a vacation we thought we were ready for.  We had originally not planned on traveling this summer, but decided a few weeks back that we would make our annual trek to the mountains.  One of the main reasons we did this is so Tigrai would feel fully loved & officially initiated into our family. In reality, I think it was the pause we needed to be able to see how we were really doing. Pulling away from our normal routine usually breathes life back into us, but this year it revealed that "one step forward- two steps back" has taken its toll. Unfortunately, the "two steps back" on vacation happened to be on Goosey's birthday.  As I snuggled up to my baby and she cried herself to sleep on her birthday, I knew I was at one of my lowest points. We knew that we were in over our heads & that we truly needed some help.

One great thing that has come of our time there is that we have begun meeting with a counselor who is quite familiar with adoptive & blended families.  In our time with her we have learned so much already, but the main thought I took away from our first meeting was that we are not only grieving the loss of our original family, we are also grieving the "death of a dream". 

Our original desire in adoption was that we would share our family with a child who would otherwise not have a family.  We have learned so much about our daughter's story, and quite extensive extended family, that in some ways we feel quite deceived. We had no idea how many relatives she had and how dear to her they are. We have even questioned at times if we have done the right thing to bring her here. We are reminded, though, that she is ours, and we have made a commitment to her that is lifelong. We trust that God is sovereign and that He has orchestrated all of the details of her adoption. We are now asking God to give us eyes to see what He has for each of us. We are currently thinking and dreaming of what He might do in her life as a result of her being adopted into our family. We want to think long-term, about who she might become. We are also considering how this will shape each of our children and asking God to use this in their lives for His kingdom & glory. And, we are also praying and dreaming that God will use this to prune us and shape us to make us more like Him. Already this past week I can see a softening of heart in each of us.  I trust that we really will see beauty from ashes.

Camp Barnabas

As featured on Extreme Home Makeover:

For 14 years now our church has been sending our youth kids to serve at Camp Barnabas, a camp for kids with special needs. The past 2 years our son has had the privilege of being a part of this amazing camp and has talked about it steadily throughout the year. We decided that if Barnabas was so important to him, we really wanted to make the trip to see the camp in person. So Sunday we made the trip down to the middle-of-nowhere, Missouri, and we were so glad we did!  

It was great to see our son in his "element". We love seeing how these times away really refresh him. He even graced us with conversation from the heart 'til the wee hours the night he got home. Makes a momma's heart smile!

Cam Man was thrilled we were there & loved having us meet some of his friends, both old & new.

I think we will have 3 more who will want to help at camp in the near future!

As we entered the "Bless the Mess Hall" dining hall, I was overwhelmed by the number of families who are touched by Camp Barnabas. In the sea of faces, I saw such joy in the eyes of the campers. You could tell that this week means the world to them. It is their safe haven, their place of refuge. I also noticed the eyes of the parents. They were tired eyes, knowing eyes. They looked weary, yet grateful. I can't help but think how much it must mean to them to have a week to recharge & know that their children are in safe, loving hands. Pictured above is the Barnabas "standing O" - their version of a standing ovation.

I was so grateful for the chance to see what God is doing in this place, through His people. I loved hearing the founder of the camp pray in the closing ceremony. His words were so sweet,

 "Thanks, Lord, for giving us such a great week together and for blessing us with this corner of your back yard where we can play."

What a beautiful place it is - in every way.

The Five Month Mark

Tigrai was so pleased to have her mom braid her hair.  

It meant the world to her!

With each month that goes by we tend to stop and reflect on all that has happened and we, in a sense, evaluate how "settled" Tigrai seems. We have talked a lot about what that means to be settled in our home and how that involves trust - on both sides of the equation. This summer has been spent exercising our "trust" muscles.

Our first few months of having our daughter home we harder than we imagined in every way. But now, at the five month mark, we are experiencing some sweet fruit in our family. We have spent our summer months together in a low-key, unhurried way and that has been a huge blessing for all of us. I feel like our family relationships have been strengthened and there is a sense of being on the same team. Tigrai is learning to come to us with the good & the bad and we are so privileged to be her parents. We are grateful to God for His kindness and grace, which has seen us through each day. 

The One Month Mark

We have now passed the one month mark of our daughter being home from Ethiopia. I have to be honest and say that there have been moments during the past month that I have found myself questioning what good could come as a result of bringing our daughter home. In the moments she feels desperately homesick and unsettled, I doubt myself and I doubt God. Sometimes I feel so ill-equipped to be her mother and walk her through this difficult time. In the moments my biological children look & feel completely stressed and sick, I feel like a horrible mother. I want to apologize & make their life easier again. But I am reminded that we did not stumble into this adoption by accident. Out of the millions of orphans in the world, God led us to adopt our daughter - on purpose and for His purposes. Although it has not been one of our easiest months on record, I can say that I think it has been a defining one. I have seen a strength and a bond in our family that I honestly didn't know was that tight until now. I have thanked God for my husband and each of my children more in the past month, because there is no doubt that He placed each of us together on purpose.

With all of that being said, I realized tonight as we were all pitching in to put dinner on the table, that in just one month's time it feels so normal that Tigrai is really in our family. I am not quite sure what struck me, other than the fact that she knows the routine, she knows where things are in our house, and she just really pitches in like one of the family. I think she is beginning to have those moments, too, where she really does feel like she belongs.

We have enjoyed so many "firsts" with her this past month and I think we have been able to slow down a bit.  She makes us laugh a lot & highly values family time. We have been enjoying the Disney classics we haven't seen for years, reading several of our favorite picture books, and we were so thankful to have one decent snow so we could all go sledding. Tigrai absolutely loved the snow and the kids had a good time showing her their favorite sledding hill. 

Just this morning Tigrai came in and announced to me, "Mom, 70!"  I replied, "No, honey, it's going to be in the 50's today. It will feel a little bit cooler than it has been."  "No, Mom, 70! Come look!"  Come to find out, she was referring to her weight on the scale.  She was so excited and proud to show me that she had gained 4 pounds in the past 3 1/2 weeks.  When we measured on our growth chart we could see that she has also grown 1/2 inch in height. (She is also very proud to note how much her hair has grown). With each new day we have with her we know that we will have growth - sometimes visible, and sometimes the kind that can only be seen by eyes of faith. We are grateful that God is allowing us to see glimmers of His bigger plan by having her in our home.